Anything Goes 40000
by Strategos Lykos
Summary: Cegorach have a plan to end Slaaneesh's grip upon Eldar souls, as well as uniting the Eldars... by using Happosai and a lost Primarch who end up in Nerima... All while evading the threats from the Chaos Gods, and the prying eyes of the Imperium.
1. Chapter 1

_In a secure, Isolated Webway Chamber, somewhere in 41st millenium..._

Eldrad frowns as he keep his watch over the holographic presentation projected in front of his small assembly. He certainly did recognize the merit of the plan offered there, but he still afraid of something about this very plan, and despite all his experience and exceptional genius, he still can't grasp his fingers on what is wrong with this, but this feels really really wrong and yet right, at the same time. He carefully grasp his fingers around his chin, falling deep inside his own thoughts, and trying his best to carefully think about this.

"Well, did you accept our proposal or not? We don't have much time to think, and the warpjammer shield is maintained using the dwindling strength of our Lord Cegorach... if not because this very plan have the best chance to permanently end Slaanesh's dominion over all our souls..." said Asdrubal Vect, who stand alongside Eldrad in the rare sight of both Eldar and Dark Eldar forces stand together in relative peace as well as joining their plan together.

"If not because of Him, we won't even stand here in peace..." said Eldrad with venom toward Asdrubal Vect, while mentioning to a sole Harlequin among them, who merely nod his head and smiling while still closing his eyes in a deep concentration.

"Alright, take your time, but remember that every time spent on hesitation..." said Asdrubal Vect.

"Listen, I know our time is running short, but there is still something I don't really grasp about..." said Eldrad, but Prince Yriel quickly hold his hand and interrupt him.

"I have faith in Lord Cegorach's plan, and I will commit myself and my people to see the succession of this plan." said Prince Yriel.

"Let's do this plan, and we shall wait over whatever happened with Slaaneesh afterwards. You all know that we're all here not normally trusting the words of everyone else present here, but you have our sworn words, and we did not gave our sworn words lightly. We will commit ourself to the plan, and every resource we had on Commorragh will be committed to this gambit. We'll also thrown out some treaties of peace between all our people, the Craftworlds, the Kabals, and the Exodites, that will be in effect for a millenium before we decide what we'll do next." said Asdrubal Vect.

"A millenium? So that means in a thousand years our people will be at war again?" said Eldrad with a hint of annoyance.

"We hope it could be longer, as long as we did not need to appease Slaanesh, we can work our way toward a permanent peace. And if this plan succeeded, the rest can be assured, we won't have any worry to trigger another fall again..." said Asdrubal Vect.

"And what about the mon'keigh Emperor? What if he throw another wrench in our carefully laid plan? His presence is still at large in the Warp, and we..." said Eldrad, but the silent Harlequin finally open his eyes and speak, causing a respectful silence from all the other beings in this isolated webway chamber.

"Khaine is ready to took his part on it... and I will help him in this endeavor. Our primary objective is to freed all Eldar souls from the grip of Slaaneesh, and this is what will define our future... This is far better than spending all your souls to form Ynnead, and end up putting this galaxy up for grabs by those filthy mon'keigh hands. Once Slaaneesh is taken care of, the mon'keigh empire shall be easier to handle with." said the Harlequin.

"But Lord, what if those mon'keigh pawns... forgive me for this... grew too much for us to handle and..." said Eldrad.

"No they won't, while they will turned into potentially dangerous rivals, they have no love for the mon'keigh emperor, and if the mon'keigh emperor try to exert his domain over them, I am assured they will be locked in battle forever over dominion for those filthy mon'keighs..." said the Harlequin.

"As you wish my Lord..." said everyone in this chamber, and the Harlequin only smile... 

* * *

_In a wrap-tainted world, far outside the fringe of the Imperium of Man, where somehow turned into almost an exact copy of Terra in the late 20th century... the nation of Japan... City of Tokyo... District of Nerima..._

"Tell me again, why we must..." said Eldrad, who looking toward the other two guys at his sides.

"Do this ourselves?" said Prince Yriel while raising his eyebrows.

"We can't gamble to let the others with less intellects and skills to do our parts here, and here is our initial breakthrough, the most important part of all... I admit I'd rather skinning some mon'keighs and make myself some living mon'keigh skin coats, but alas..." said Asdrubal Vect in irritation.

"No time for protest, Eldrad... we have at least two mon'keighs to look for!" said Prince Yriel.

"Remind me, what's their name again? And..." said Eldrad.

"Happosai, grand master of anything goes martial arts... potentially the strongest psyker in this filthy mon'keigh planet, and Saotome, one of the lost primarch of the mon'keigh emperor. We must play our roles well... or else..." said Asdrubal Vect while trying his best to not imagining unimaginable things he'll do with the schoolgirls who ride the train with them, he try his best to not let Slaanesh aware of his position.

"Well? this is too ridiculous... I knew this is far from their empire, but why not the mon'keigh here even bat their eyes toward us? Are they really stupid or..." wondered Eldrad, since the three Eldars actually stand in Tokyo commuters train without any disguise. The train stopped in a station, with some primitive mon'keigh scripts as well as a big gothic sign 'WELCOME TO TOMOBIKI' appears. And as if on clue, a flying, green haired daemonette clad in tiger stripped bikini appears in the window, apparently chasing an ugly mon'keigh boy who successfully dodged most of her lightnings.

"This world is deep with taints of the warp, it's lucky for them, the warpspawns who frequent here are mostly non malicious ones... and some minor xenos already live openly among them..." said Asdrubal Vect while pointing on the daemonnete, who already grab the poor mon'keigh and electrocute him with a power that could turn an average Astarte into charred ash.

"Uh, is that Saotome, the lost Primarch? That boy's constitution and toughness is..." said Eldrad.

"Uh, no... not quite like the image provided by Lord Cegorach... but..." said Asdrubal Vect while suddenly shook his head in denial. "Impossible... perhaps he's actually a daemon pri..."

"Quiet... he could be a spy of Slaanesh... just look what he just do... recover that quickly from the electrocution and now already running to hit another girl..." said Prince Yriel.

"... I hope you are wrong... you are wrong... keep our mind-shield high, for we can't risk Slaanesh to discover us here..." said Asdrubal Vect, who then mouthing a holy Eldar litany, very uncharacteristic of him.

"Alright, calm down, this primitive ride will soon head to Nerima district and we should head immediately to... Tendo Dojo..." said Eldrad.


	2. Chapter 2

_Nerima Train Station..._

"The ride was surprisingly nice for a primitive mon'keigh transport... now let us..." said Eldrad.

"No, no... do not do that Eldrad... we cannot risk using too much psyker abilities here, since that ugly mon'keigh boy could be a spy of Slaanesh... and we..." said Asdrubal Vect.

"Alright, so how should we found Tendo Dojo?" asked Eldrad in irritation.

"Well, let's head somewhere and ask, just like..." said Asdrubal Vect, but before he has the chance to finish, a purple blur (even for Eldar sense) slip past of them.

"WHAT A HAUL! WHAT A HAUL!" said the purple blur, while behind them, a horde full of schoolgirls, armed with anything they can grab run toward the small blur while screaming curses.

"Uh, did you see that?" said Prince Yriel.

"Hmm, Asdrubal, what's snagged on your robe?... an used Panty?" said Eldrad, while Asdrubal Vect quickly snatch the offending white triangle of lace and...

Before the three Eldars can understand what just happened, the purple blur is back and dump a sack full of underwears on top of them, before quickly jump out to nowhere.

"THEY ARE HIS ACCOMPLICE! ATTACK" said a random girl, and the horde of schoolgirls quickly halt their movement and charge back toward the three Eldars.

"Uh... what should we do?" asked Eldrad while the three reflexively grab on their preferred close combat weapon, but then, the three Eldars remember that while they can turn this horde of schoolgirls into a mangled heap of flesh (and Asdrubal Vect definitely think worse), they remember that this mission depends not on power, but diplomacy to manipulate the mon'keighs. And perhaps, this is Slaanesh's vile plan to make them fall.

"Stop all this stupidity mon'keigh! We are not here to do you any harm!" said Prince Yriel while holding his hand in front of them, and they seep a small ammount of soothing psy-wave, that hopefully can turn the raging horde of schoolgirls a bit calmer.

"RETURN OUR UNDERWEARS FIRST!" said a girl, and the rest of them also repeat the same thing.

"Alright, alright girls... please calm yourselves, and collect them. I give you our words that we are not willing participant to be buried under this pile of underwears!" said Eldrad, but he failed to notice that Asdrubal Vect just picked one of the panties, and start to sniff it.

"UNWILLING PARTICIPANT? WHAT ABOUT HIM?!" said another girl who point out toward Asdrubal Vect, and at this very moment, they start to get back into their rage and charge.

"Goddammit Asdrubal! Now you..." said Eldrad, and Asdrubal's face turned beet red and then remember that Slaanesh could be watching. Asdrubal quickly cast aside the offending panty, and while they again think about unleashing their scorpion chainswords on these mon'keighs, they still wary if the bloodbath will actually arouse Khorne... so...

"RUN!" said Asdrubal, and both Eldrad and Prince Yriel quickly jump out of the place, hopping to the rooftops while running to the most unconscious and well hidden place from the ground level.

"Alright, so how could we..." said Eldrad, but then, two blurs, red and yellow quickly catch up with them and before they could react, Asdrubal got a flying kick straight into his face, sending him hurtling toward the wall. And before them, stand two mon'keigh boys, both well built with powerful muscles, one has a long black hair kept in a pigtail and wearing red shirt, and the other wear a yellow bandanna and wearing an yellow shirt.

"That was for sniffing Akane's panty!" said the pigtailed mon'keigh boy. But then, the bandanna-ed mon'keigh suddenly turned to the pigtailed mon'keigh, and shout back to him.

"HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT WAS AKANE'S? RANMA, YOU..." said the bandanna-ed mon'keigh.

"Calm down Ryoga, can't you see that Akane wrote her name on that panty?" said the pigtailed mon'keigh.

"Ah, I see, but then... we have three perverts to..." said the bandanna-ed mon'keigh, but much to their surprise, the three Eldars already stand firm and ready, Scorpion swords and shuriken pistols at their hands.

"We hope we can end this conversations without bloodshed, mon'keigh... I hope you can heard our explainations first..." said Eldrad.

"Cih, looks like all of our luck, we just run into assassins again, Ryoga..." said the pigtailed mon'keigh.

"Careful Ranma... I sense they are quite powerful as well..." said the bandanna-ed mon'keigh.

"You are unarmed, drop this hostility and we can talk in peace. You have no chances!" said Eldrad, but much to his surprise, the two mon'keigh actually just look toward each others and exchange a toughtful look.

"Look, at your back!" said the pigtailed mon'keigh, but the three Eldars just stand there and laugh.

"Did you think we will fall to your..." said Eldrad, but much to their surprise, a white swan potty suddenly land on prince Yriel's head, knocking him unconscious, and before they can react, Eldrad is thrown out by a flurry of rapid firing fisticuffs, and Asdrubal Vect is smashed in the face by an umbrella who weigh heavier than the astartes' mace. 

* * *

"Thanks Mousse!" said Ranma while looking at the weird looking man who now lies unconscious at his feet.

"Damn it, this man's helmet actually put a dent on my umbrella!" said Ryoga, who now also look at the weirder man who he just knocked out as well.

"Here's some chains... perhaps we should haul them to Nekohanten and consult elder Cologne on what shall we do with them..." said Mousse, who start to drag some chains from his sleeve.


	3. Chapter 3

_Nekohanten_

"Xian Pu, close the cafe... we will have some very important guests soon..." said Cologne while Shampoo only nod and quickly close the cafe as well as tidying up tables and chairs.

"Great Grandma, I see Airen is going here with Ryoga and Mu Tzu, looks like they got some..." said Shampoo.

"I see... Xian Pu, please go inside and get some magic wards... we cannot take any chances..." said Cologne suddenly while Ranma, Ryoga, and Mousse arrived, dragging three unconscious, tall, lean but firmly muscled, weirdly dressed, pale looking men, with pointy ears and tall topknots. All are firmly secured under layers upon layers of iron chains and locks.

"Old Ghoul! We have some..." said Ranma, but a whack on his head, courtesy of Cologne's cane quickly sent him in silence, muttering some curses before going silent again.

"Elder Ko Ron, today we're at our usual routine, chasing Happosai and try our best to take back Shampoo's underwears..." said Mousse.

"And Akane's, and Akari's, and Ukyo's..." said Ryoga, unhelpfully add, but Cologne just ignoring him.

"And this weird guy actually have the balls to snag Akane's panty and sniff it in the public!" said Ranma while pointing to the man who dressed in black spiky coat and spiky conical helmet (dented courtesy of Ryoga's umbrella).

"And we follow them to the rooftop, while we trying to reason with them, they pull out these weapons, and trying to kill us..." said Mousse while pulling out the chainsaw-toothed swords as well as weird looking pistols from under his shirt. Cologne quickly grab one of the chainsword and raised her eyebrows in confusion.

"Continue... I cannot recognize these weird looking weapons..." said Cologne while trying to recognize the weird looking pistol, but she also totally did not know whatever thing it is, just it feels really dangerous.

"So we do what we must, to protect the weak, and so here, we bring those criminal scums here for your judgement, Elder..." said Mousse.

"Are you sure, these are humans? Their chi did not feels like humans, and they look far too pale..." said Cologne, now already step down from her cane, and seriously looking toward the three unconscious bodies that still being kept under chains.

"But they can speak Japanese really well, could they actually demons or..." said Mousse.

"Or aliens? Like those in Area 51, Tunguska, and Tomobiki?" said Ryoga.

"I think aliens, except those live in Tomobiki, can't fluently speak Japanese..." said Ranma.

"... I feel they did have powerful chi... as well as great spiritual presences... you three must actually tricked them with an ambush... that is the only way..." said Cologne who then gave an 'I know it' look toward the trio, who merely look toward each others with guilty look upon their faces.

"Listen Grandma! They're sniffing Akane's panty!" said Ranma.

"In public, at the train station!" add Ryoga.

"Happosai is the one who threw the underwears toward them first, yes?" asked Cologne.

"But this man definitely snag Akane's panty first! We saw it all!" said Ryoga.

"I see you're speaking the truth, but now... oh, Xian Pu, please place the magic wards at those men's chains, we can't let them escape before we learn their motives... I'm afraid they will be awake soon..." said Cologne, and Shampoo quickly place the wards to repel the captives' chi energy, and they wait until at least one of them regains consciousness...

"Grandma, this one should be awake soon..." said Shampoo, and Cologne quickly move toward this one particular captive.

* * *

Asdrubal Vect cannot believe himself, the three most powerful Eldar leaders are laid low by a simple mon'keigh ambush. He did think the farseer and the pirate prince is still a weakling compared to him, but then... he can't believe a mon'keigh could actually hit him harder than an Astarte throwing a straight punch.

"He's awake..." said the bandanna-ed mon'keigh. Adrusbal tried to wriggle himself out of the chains, but he found they also put a psyker-dampener field on their chains... so...

"Manerless mon'keighs, we come in peace, but why you..." said Asdrubal tried to gauge his enemies, the two mon'keighs from before try to hit him in the face again, but now their fists are stopped by some gentle taps from a small hand belongs to an old female ratling...

"I am Ko Ron of the Joketsuzoku tribes... please speak what business you wish to conduct here on Nerima, and I may release you if you have a reasonable reasons..." said the old female ratling.

"Not your business old Ghoul..." spat Asdrubal, but he quickly found himself at the wrong end of a cane-whackings. While the three mon'keigh boys try their best to hide their laughs.

"Please speak respectfully with your elders young man! Once again and you..." said Cologne, but Asdrubal just shrug the whackings and reply.

"Your elders? At best you're only three hundred years old ratling psyker, while I am older than fifeteen thousand years... you are the one who should speak to me with respect!" said Asdrubal, and sensing the truth in his words, the old ratling psyker woman quickly stop her whacking, but carefully questioning him again.

"So, you're a demon... Xian Pu, Mu Tzu, quick, get the exorcis..." said Cologne, but Eldrad already awake and quickly speak some diplomatic words.

"If we are somehow run afoul of your customs, we ask you for forgiveness, mon'keigh..." said Eldrad.

"I am sorry, but I cannot allow thousand years demons to run wild here... you will be better stay..." said Cologne, but Eldrad quickly speak with all his charisma.

"We are not a daemon... at least I am certain with myself and this Prince Yriel, did not know what Asdrubal already done with his body and souls though..." said Eldrad.

"Who are you?" said Cologne seriously.

"Allow us to introduce ourselves first... listen mon'keigh, we're sorry for whatever transgression Asdrubal already done, but here we are, and we will play by your rules as your guests... We are Eldars, not daemons... I am Eldrad Ulthran, Arch-Farseer of the Craftworld Ulthwe. This evil-looking Eldar is Asdrubal Vect, Supreme Lord of the Kabals of Commoragh, and the one who still unconscious is Prince Yriel, Autarch of the Craftworld Iyanden... we come from the stars... and we're not here for..." said Eldrad.

"Eldars? We never heard of it... what do you need to walk among us? Aliens?" said Cologne skeptically.

"We just need to go to Tendo Dojo, and that is all... I ask you to kindly show us for..." said Eldrad, but then the pigtailed mon'keigh quickly grab Eldrad's collar, lifting him to his eye level and speak.

"What do you need with Tendo Dojo?" asked the pigtailed mon'keigh.

"Calm yourself mon'keigh... we only want to ask for a help..." said Eldrad.

"Help? Oh..." said the pigtailed mon'keigh while quickly release his grip on Eldrad's collar, making Eldrad fall face first to the floor.

"And now what just you do with an Alien actually want to ask for your help Ranma?" asked bandana-ed mon'keigh amusedly.

"Uh, sorry..." said the pigtailed mon'keigh while helping Eldrad (but not releasing him from chains and wards).

"I know your primitive manners are far from our refined ethics..." muttered Eldrad. "Nevermind that... did you know about..." Eldrad quickly think about the implications of asking Happosai... while indeed it was the one needed, he need to gauge their intentions and ask for the secondary helper first.

"Did you know a heroic warrior named Saotome? We want to speak with him in private..." asked Eldrad, causing the pigtailed mon'keigh to gasp and suddenly puffed in pride.

"I AM RANMA SAOTOME! why did you need my help?" said the pigtailed mon'keigh while beaming like crazy.

"Eldrad, isn't he was too young for..." said Asdrubal, but Eldrad quickly look toward him and back to Ranma.

"Uh... can you release us first? we need your help... please..." plead Eldrad.


	4. Chapter 4

_The Warp-tainted Fringe World, named Rumik in the Dark Age of Technology, but now the inhabitants called it 'earth'… many years ago…_

The inhabitants of Rumik know nothing about the past of their world, the truth supposedly hidden in their ancient lores is now totally lost after the lasts of the secret lorekeepers died at the hands of a Harlequin, thousands of years ago. Their surviving texts and tapestries are seized and moved deep inside the Black Library. Some non malicious daemons and xenos have actually managed to get their noses on this planet's, but they are equally ignorant of what happened in the larger galactic scheme, since their sector is encircled by a warp barrier, causing every attempt to go there using the warp to be a futile exercise, and only Eldar webways has the chance to drop into this sector.

And speaking of which, since the inhabitants of this sector are generally harmless, the Eldars are used to leave them alone from long time ago… and even almost all of the Eldars eventually forgot about them…

Unknown to all, or almost… many years ago, an ice-crusted capsule enter the atmosphere of Rumik. The capsule plunged itself deep inside the snowypeakofMount Fuji, and the life-sustaining system of the capsule activated the cryopreservation mechanism. Yes… deep inside, encased by artistically etched cask adorned with 'XI' symbol… lays a baby primarch… who stay in a peaceful slumber…

Until that day come… 

* * *

The patriarch of the Saotome family is the last heir to the long lineages of famous martial artists. He should be the one to continue the honor of the family, and his responsibility to beget a son and make him a man among men, like the Saotomes do in every generations. He should make his ancestors proud… but… alas… he was already past his prime, and his wife is at the end of her childbearing age.

Worse… while initially, in his selfish pride he tought his wife is the one who infertile, and he spent the last decade trying to beget a son with numerous women, the time of judgement finally come to him. At a doctor's office, he was given the infertile verdict… it was him, not his wife… and at this point, the doctor told him, no matter what he do, he will never have a child… he will never hold his own flesh and blood.

His life shattered… his lifelong dream to uphold his family honor crushed… For the first time of his adult life, he wept openly… beg to the Gods and the Buddha to give him a son… He grew nearly mad, and only his wife's acceptance and forgiveness, despite all he've done before… hold his fragile mind in the realm of sanity…

So, after accepting that he cannot have his own, he decides to do what was supposed to be the one last journey with his wife. One last journey to look for someone worthy enough to be the heir of Saotome family lineage. The journey took them years, but still, they did not found anyone worthy enough… until.

At the mountainside of Mt Fuji, the patriarch walk alone in blinding snowstorm. His wife should be staying safely back in their village lodging. He tries to scale the mountain alone, with all his strength, to exercise his emotions, but this massive snowstorm almost put an end to his particular ventures, for more than a day,.

At a moment of desperation, he seen a horse, still alive, trapped in an opening to a large pit. He tries to help it, but he seen a deeper end of the pit, with some metallic glints seen at the deep end. He tries to push the horse up, but for some reasons, it stayed stuck there, merely wailing with desperate neighs. And one time, he tries to look down toward the metallic glints, and he sensed something called him toward it…

Curiousity overwhelm his sense, and he decides to climb down under the pit. With no help, but his bare hands, he removed the dead roots, soils, and ices around a strange, metallic object. And after some hours of hard work, he finally pried open the metallic capsule…

He cannot believe what he just found there… a baby lies peacefully inside… but his body is ice-cold… and he seemed to be dead…

The patriarch cries… how cruel life could be… he want a son, and here, like in a legend, he found a baby boy… but the baby is cold and… He swear that he could see the boy is moving… and after the second confirmation… he think that this boy need a source of warmth, fast…

So he carry the boy upward, laid him in a makeshift blanket made from all his cloth, but the boy stayed cold… Undaunted and some would say, maddened, by this heartwrenching experience, he then look at the still alive horse… and with his bare hands, he exert all his strength and rip the horse from the pit, ignoring the horse's death throes, he rip the body of the horse, and laid the cold infant inside the still warm and bloody corpse of the horse… and he waits…

The boy's skin turned to normal, no longer look pale, but now pink and warm… the boy's eyes opened, and much to the patriarch's surprise, the boy start to actually lick and eat the dead horse's innards…

"You are a foundling… found aside a trapped horse… and you life because you are warmed by the corpse of this unpolished horse…" said the patriarch.

"…" the boy just grinned and resume eating the dead horse's innards.

"And I shall take you as my own son… my own flesh and blood… you are the unpolished horse, but you shall grow to be a strong man… a man among men… and you shall be named…"

"…"

"The Unpolished Horse…"


End file.
